Lost in translantion

I had an almost normal day today, albeit I had to go real smooth with the physical therapy. The anxiolytics make me real sleepy, even though I’m taking a really small dose. It seems like I want to lay down and do nothing any chance I have, but everyone (my therapists) think this is normal. At least they’re working: no more anxiety or crises.

Deglution therapy at the hospital in the morning followed by physical therapy in the afternoon. I notice I’m a bit weak, but it’s expected since I had a long break from therapy: almost a week.

Today I’ve been lost in thought. The past seems so far away. Literally like another life. What will I do once I’m ok? I don’t know. I have to avoid the old life I had working 3 year periods and then moving to a different country. What did it leave me? The stroke, and little more. I don’t see a return to academia for me. I can’t fly anywhere. And my chances in Mexico are next to none. Moreover, I’ve been out of the game for over two years. That’s far too long. I don’t see myself doing fieldwork again, which just leaves teaching, which all my colleagues seem to say is not something to live for in Mexico.

This is where I sit. I’m not anxious about it. But yes, it’s on my mind.